The other day a women lent me these. I stopped to talk to her and was sad. I had just been yelled at by another adult for doing something that in her opinion was terrible. My intentions were good. I wasn't even sad about what happened I was hurt that someone thought it acceptable to talk to me as if I were a child who just broke a cookie jar, or stole a toy from another person, or to be honest, murdered another human being. 

I ran into the owner of these sunglasses. She was kind and offered the glasses so my kids wouldn't know I was upset. She is honest and kind. She did not need to be nice to me. I am merely a person she runs into now and then.

I hope that through these sunglasses I can see the world the way she does. I hope to always remember her words, "No one deserves to be spoken to like that. No matter what they have done." I have never seen or heard her be unkind.

I hope to become more like her. Strong, independent, beautiful, wise, kind, thoughtful, and did I mention beautiful.

You know who you are, and I thank you with all my heart for reminding me that there are still good  people out there.

The Big 15!!

our BEAUTIFUL morgan is now 15. on her birthday, i enjoyed an afternoon of food and pampering with morgan and two of her friends. 

i LOVE these girls. what a great age. you know the one, 15 going on 27. they know almost everything and what they don't know, they pretend to know. 

morgan was hard for me when she was young. we would butt heads a lot. i loved her, but sometimes i wanted to beat her. it's funny. (i still have those same feelings today) tim always said that morgan and i butted heads because we were so similar. naturally, i thought he was crazy. i never act the way she does. i am realizing that we are very similar. in fact, it is scary sometimes how similar we are. i also think, that even back then i felt the way she did, it just wasn't socially acceptable for me to throw tantrums. i was just much better at controlling my emotions (bahhahahaha!).

morgan makes me laugh every day. she is an amazing young woman. she is a great friend and example to everyone around her. she is passionate about most things. she is smart. she is kind. she is a great student. she is an amazing daughter and sister. she is driven. she knows what she wants. she still throws tantrums now and then. :0) she is responsible. she is beautiful. she dresses cute. she can do ANYTHING that she sets her mind too. 

happy birthday to our daughter, sister, and friend.

we love you morgan-morgy, morganna, mojo, mo jito, mo!

see why we love her! she definitely gets all of her good qualities from me!!! heeheeeheee!

Hazel Elayne Hellbusch

hazel is sleeping in the other room. i just looked at the pictures from the day she was born. already i have forgotten details from that day. it was such a sweet time for our family. i decide i need to blog before i forget more......

i don't remember what day it was (everything is a blur). it had to be monday or tuesday. i had a dr. appointment. i remember standing on the scale and, for just a moment, smiling when the nurse said i had lost 3 pounds. in a flash, i remember that i am 9 months pregnant and my weight should not be going down. 

i see the dr. and he tells me i am still measuring small and that i need to go have my amniotic fluid level checked at the hospital. i rush to a hair appt., get a pedicure while it processes and return to the hospital for an ultrasound. the technician explains that a "normal" fluid level ranges from 1-25. mine is a 6. at 5 they won't let you go home. my dr. consults with a perinatologist and they decide to check me again in a few days. deflated (literally) i go home. 

i really want the baby to be healthy. i really want to not be pregnant anymore. i am miserable.

i notice my family has "looks" between each other. you know, the looks that say, "just grin and bare it, she won't be pregnant that much longer anyway." my husband is now telling the kids not to even look at, or go near me. i can tell i am pleasant to be around.

now it is friday. i have to go in for another stress test and fluid check. i have given up. she is never coming. i even voice that i will die an old woman with a teenager still inside of me. (dramatic, i know.)

 the stress test looks fine. the baby looks great. now, downstairs for the ultrasound. 

the technician is doing something with a concerned look on her face. i finally ask what my fluid level is...

she tells me it is only a 2 1/2 and i need to go back upstairs.

WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!!

i text my dr. and tell him to come "get this baby out of me." by now, i am sure he is regretting ever giving me his cell phone number. i don't really care.
tim runs to round up the kids.

be patient....it was a BIG event..

 the pictures above are all of us waiting...

we bet on birth weight...Ryanne won.
we debated when Hazel said goodbye to her namesake, my grandma. then as she was being born, or months before when she was conceived.

 tim messing around while i am being prepped for surgery

 the above photos are self explanatory

 first glance at little sis

 not wanting to say good bye as Hazel was taken to the nursery

 our beautiful baby

 waiting again

 hazel had to have an IV and emmie was not happy about having to wait to see her

 tim stretching......

 hazel elayne

 meeting hazel for the first time

i had visitors the whole time. hazel and i were well taken care of.

daddy and emmie changing her diaper. there are no photos for proof but one of my favorite memories at the hospital was watching jaxson change hazel's diaper. he was all over the place. she peed on everything. it was hilarious.

and baby makes "6"!!!!!

hazel had so many visitors. she is well loved. since she has been home she barely cries. if she makes a peep some one picks her up and tends to her every need. 

i don't' really remember the day she was born. my kids say that i kept saying i was so glad i wasn't pregnant anymore. which was so true!!! 

i already don't remember why she had to have an iv.

the older kids were so fun.

a couple of memories since hazel came home

she loves the song angel lullaby from my turn on earth. i sing it to her all the time. when we play it, she recognizes it. i promise that is true. you can tell. 

the first couple of days that hazel was home, emmie would  not leave the house except to go to school. she would return from school and yell, "is hazel home."

grandma stopped by one day and ryanne said, "it is still my turn to hold hazel.

jaxson got a cold and couldn't hold hazel for a few days.

one day he came in and said he was sad because he was missing her most snuggly time.

so many people brought gifts over and came to visit hazel and i. one friend came clear from centerville to see us. morgan said, "mom, so many people love you and hazel." so true. we are so blessed.

hanna takes a nap with hazel every day after school.

they all take turns feeding, changing, and holding hazel. they love her and this makes me happy

morgan and her friends tell me i am so happy now and smile so much.
i am so glad hazel is here and that i am not still pregnant!!!!!