My Baby Boy is 19! (sigh...)

I drove past Shelly Elementary today. I remember a young boy SO excited to ride his bike to school. I remember a nervous mama that followed a ways behind him to make sure he made it.  Man, were those the days. People tried to tell me, when I had 5 little kids and every day seemed like Groundhog Day, that one day I would miss that. I wanted to slap them. I was crazy and exhausted. I felt subpar as a parent. How right they were. Those days seem like yesterday. 

Today my baby boy is 19. 

He is a man. 

I am so proud of him.

He will be leaving to serve a mission in 2 1/2 months. 

I am proud of him.

I cry. While there is nothing I would rather have him do, I will miss him.

I asked him last night if he knew that all his father and I want is for him to be a "real" person. True to himself. He replied, "Oh yes mom. I know."

He is a real person. 

He makes mistakes. He takes responsibility. He tries to do what is right.

He makes me happy.

I think, "Was I good example? Did I teach him the things he will need to know? Did I love him enough? Did I trust him too much or not enough. Does he know that no matter what I will love him? 

Does he know that me heart aches just in anticipation of missing him? Did I do my job in preparing him for life in this world."

Probably not....

Lucky for me, and him, I have had so many wonderful people to help. Mostly his dad. I look at Jax and know that he got so many good things from Tim. To put it simply, Jaxson is good. I am not sure how to describe it but good like Tim. He loves. He forgives. He teaches.

He is awesome!!

That is Tim behind him. Tim sat in the water for hours helping the kids learn to surf. 

I have no doubt that one day Jax will do the same for his family.

Jax is a good friend. To me. Always. To my friends. To their kids. To his sisters.To his friends.

I love him.

I think he was mad when we found out Hazel was a girl. I know that there is an ache inside him as he prepares to leave knowing he will miss the first few years of her life. He loves her and is a great big brother to Hazel and all of his sisters.

I am eternally grateful for this family of mine.

And for Jaxson's place in it. 

Nineteen years ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Life has been a roller coaster of ups and downs.

I never imagined, even on that day, how much love I could have for someone. I love my little boy with all my heart! 

Happy Birthday to my most amazing son. My Puddin' Head! My baby boy......