Every Moment

I fight my own "wars" until I can no longer fight them alone. To be truthful, I usually wait until far longer than that. Yesterday, Tim brought the mail in and said, "Our Christmas card to Margaret was returned to sender and oh yeah, Jaxson got an acceptance letter from the University of Utah." He said it so nonchalantly. I knew exactly what he was doing. Tim was acting as if it was no big deal with the hope that I wouldn't really focus on what he was saying. That way I couldn't be sad.

I did what I do best. I put it out of my head and tried to pretend it wasn't happening. Even when Tim came over to Joy's to tell me that Hanna cried when she heard, I pretend. I looked right at him. I listened to every word and still, if I think he is really telling me that we are going to Jamaica as a family...

I am already lying on the beach and

Jaxson is still five!

Today I am driving to dance and a song that goes a little something like this... 

 "We laughed out loud 'til we cried

And the tears were sweet

Midnight melted to morning

A moment faded to memort

All these days

Just slip away through our fingers

So...

Don't let go 

Hold onto every moment

Always know

Hold on to every moment that you can........." comes on.

It was then that I decided I had to get my big girl panties on and acknowledge this. 

Jaxson was accepted to college!!!! I have known this was coming. I have wanted and even prayed for this. It isn't that I don't want this for him. It is just that in my mind Jaxson graduating marks a change in our family. Things will never again be as they are. Someone will be graduating and leaving every couple of years.

That being said, it is time that I hold on to this moment. I am proud of Jaxson. I am grateful that he is my son. I am honored to be his mother. 

More letters will come. Some good, some bad. No matter where he decides to go, I am grateful for a son that wants to go to college. I am grateful that we are in a position to help him do that. We are blessed and these are all good things!!